I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
