i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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