i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
