Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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