I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
