fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
