were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
