mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
