god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
