My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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