Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
