yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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