you traded sex for a burrito?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Randomize
