I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
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He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
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I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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