My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
