The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
