Too much gin, very little bucket
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
