Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
