Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
