We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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