And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
