Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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