you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize