Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
