He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
