We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
