i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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