the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
