Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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