grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
