i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize