someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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