from now on my penis is your penis
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
