The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
