I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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