If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
