You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
