More tranny stories later!
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
