Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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