I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
