Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
