wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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