best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
