I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
