well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
How does one acquire holy water?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
