planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
did i walk over a car last night?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
