You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Randomize
