I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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