wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
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My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
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Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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