I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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