Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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