the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Randomize
