my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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