The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
