I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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