I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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