and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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