He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
