i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
