I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
