I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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