My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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