People in love make me want to vomit
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I touched a dick in church today
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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