The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
