Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
