'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
