she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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