I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
