He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
